I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing wierd things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird sh*t.
On top of all this! Mrs Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined a gay liberation and some people who can't read a calender have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my sh*t together and bring you the things you want.
This year I suggest you get your ass down to Asda before everything is gone.
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