Xmas Eve Poem
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was on heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook. It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Mom in her teddy, and I in the nude, had just reached the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, that I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon was so bright, that it lit up the yard. The place was a mess, something hit it real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, a sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite, and he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa sh**head, whoa asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, fkn slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
And then from the roof came a hell of a splatter, as each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, when down through the chimney he came with a crash.
His suit was all soaking with perfume galore, he looked like a bum and he smelled like a wh*re.
'That was some cathouse', he said with a smile, 'the reindeer are pooped, so i'll hang for a while.'
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink, then he whipped out his pecker and p*ssed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, the old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, santa reached in his sack, but his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip, next were some x-rated video clips. A box full of condoms was Santa's next find, and a six pack of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a p*nis extension, and boxes of goodies I won't even mention. A c*ck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, and a d1ldo so long that it lay in a coil.
'This stuff aint for kids, Mrs Santa would sh*t, if you don't mind I'll leave it all here when I split.'
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, with one tiny b*tt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, and he fell on his b*ttocks and broke wind instead.
He cursed and got up and climbed to his hitch, 'Lets go ya varmits, the night's been a b*tch!'
The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair, and he let out a belch as they took to the air. Bending the lamp post and raking the tree, he bounced off a rooftop and finally got free, 'I'm coming home woman!', he sang with a smirk, 'so grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!'.
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